Yet another reason to move to LA..

In-N-Out burger..yes, yes, yes, THE reason anymore these days why I make that long and wonderful drive down south. Sure, the weather in the springtime can be sublime, and who can knock those beautiful sunsets when the smog is just so? I love to go to Disneyland, see my old toy soldier seller, hit up Western Bagels and drop into Santa Monica for a quick spin at the Los Angelese Museum of Art and a quick walk on the pier. But when it comes to food, burgers and LA reign. Yeah, great Mexican, wonderful Thai, fantastic Vietnamese down in Little Saigon, all those great taco trucks, a man could go on and on. Now into the mix this little upstart. Doncha know that I gotta try it out? Road trip, anyone?

Salud!

http://www.latimes.com/features/food/la-fo-review9-2009dec09,0,4545014.story

What Calvin would truly wish for for Christmas if he had the internet at his disposal..

There was a photo in the Seattle Times this morning that showed a happy family playing in snow in their front yard. Problem for the rest of us is that we haven't had snow come through yet. How to solve this sticky situation when the temps are below freezing? Make your own snow machine at home, or, if you are well-heeled and can see uses for a high pressure washer around the house the rest of the year invest in a well machined and dandy looking snow set up. I think that Bill Waterson's cartoon boy would have completely grooved on this set up and would have driven his folks mad for oned. Why beseech God for snow when you can now blow your own?

Salud!

http://www.snowathome.com/our_products/SG7_Snowmaking_Package.php

Story of my life..

I know all about the electronic dragnet, about being caught up in hard to dismiss world of cellphone bills, internet histories and errant blogs. I should of warned Tiger, knowing how easily one can fall when your head is blissfully in the clouds and your fingers are happily typing away.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/09/us/09text.html?hpw

Recipes for holiday treats

An annual list for sweets that needs to be heeded. I would post this list on the recently defunct Cooks Talk! blog. Make one or more and enjoy the sweet giddiness of the season!

Salud!

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/foodwine/2010243143_holidaycookie11.html

Joys of the day

It was a good day.

There wasn't much there in terms of what counts as "big thrills" in today's action packed, consumer world. As a matter of fact it was a pretty simple day, and, if held against other days of my life, might be considered small, or even bittersweet.

But today we had sunshine, even if that sunshine was laced with an occassionally wicked bit of windchill factor. Today I got off not one, not two but three old fashioned, snail mail type application packets to places all over the West. One was across the pond for the librarian pool of the King County Library system, another went off to Pueblo, Colorado (they're looking for a Circulation Supevisor with an MLS attached to their experience). The last went out to Prineville, Oregon, to the Crook County Library. They want someone to fill a duel role, to be a children's librarian as well as an assistant director. A big wow there. I think I may be overshooting but maybe, well, just maybe, I'll get a nibble, a nod before they shred it. Remember, hope dies last.

So, I topped that off with a visit to the Hot Dog King (too cold to chat outside while he peddled dogs to those brave customers heading up the street to the Tree Lighting Ceremony), then a run to Hollywood (rented Jim Jarmusch's Limits of Control and Lu Chuan's epic Mountain Patrol). Took in some chili and baked potatoes at Wendy's, ran into Jane and wished her happy birthday a week early, then headed back to downtown PO and wandered about. Light crowds this year, no snow, no laser shows or fireworks to keep folk hanging around.

The Hot Dog King and I hit up Gino's afterwards for appetizers and drinks, I stayed on for late night happy hour, but only for their wicked Blackened Chicken Caesar salad. I walked uptown to the Historic Orchard to grovel before my old supervisor and he put me on the schedule once again. Having that strange hobby/volunteer gig there pays off as I was able to get in sans admission price and watch Black Dynamite (groove on it if you dare!). Not much more to do after that as it was cold and late, so I went home, put on Bill Paxton's The Traveler and crashed with the cat.

So, you might wonder, where was the joy and mystery and wackiness of the holidays in all that? Sure, everywhere you go you hear the music, see the sparkley things, feel the consumer buzz. But I found more joy in going places and seeing folks I know or who once knew me and chatting. I found more holiday spirit in those two guys at the movie house who didn't care about why I hadn't come around but that I finally showed up. I was filled with happiness breaking bread (literally) with my best man pal, as for years I didn't have one and who taught me what it takes to have a good friend (you have to be willing to 1)make time and 2)listen).

But what cost me some bittersweet tears was that silent wave I got back in regards to that accidental run-in I had with Jane. It was an across the street, car running kind of birthday wish, a drive away moment. I wonder if that's all we'll have between us for the rest of our lives. Chance encounters and long stretches of nothing in-between.

Yesterday was a good day, one that, even though not totally filled with contemporary Christmas buzz, was tinged with a delightful dollop of holiday spirit, and with just enough mystery and hope that I feel that maybe, just maybe, we might squeeze another Christmas miracle out of all this yet.

Salud!

It's the little things...

It's the little things, like..

..knowing that my Christmas tree is up and that I have a month or more to thrill to it..

..having a full fridge and being able to groove on fried eggs on top of day-old enchiladas after a pot of presspot coffee..
..finding all the old Christmas things up in the crawlspace and knowing that their emotional content, once as fatal as Kryptonite, has mellowed and are worthy of digging through once again with the family by my side..
..watching The Fantastic Mr Fox with my boy, who is no longer really even a boy, and enjoying it thoroughly (even though I put up a really great argument for Ninja Assassins and could have easily just watched that by myself, instead, since they both started at the same time)..
..knowing that the huge upholstered chair I found second hand in Boise works in this little house of mine, and that my good friend The Hot Dog King has the same one at home and probably paid ten times what I paid for it back in the day when he was well heeled in California and that my cat loves it to death (I am sure that it came from a cat friendly home considered the "abrassions" on the legs..is it time for an extra cat?)..
..waking up warm and toasty under the covers inside knowing that frost has been laid down thick outside overnight..
..discovering the joys of "Two Buck Chuck", Trader Joe's famous (maybe infamous) three dollar wine from the Charles Shaw Winery of California..
..finding Indonesian masks and Russian fairy tale prints (sadly, the latter torn from some quality book or another) at the Helpline thriftstore, all to be wrapped and placed under the tree for me..
..thrilling to the idea of and gearing up for a holiday party here at home and planning one, maybe, two, more drives to Boise before Christmas..
..having good friends who, even after everything I've been through and knowing the full story behind my travails, have stuck with me thick and thin..
..witnessing the selflessness of the community behind all the hard work at the food bank and knowing that, without their support and generosity, that the hungry in the South Kitsap area would be hungrier and colder than they already are..
..hearing the overly laid down yet infectiously joyful Christmas tunes everywhere I go these days..
..knowing that the weight gain that I have seen come back into my life these last few months would really irk my doctor, thrills the secondhand stores (more pants to buy! Probably the same ones I unloaded at the beginning of summer!) and affirms that while I have not gained that weight through sloth or not caring about myself that my mantra "I will live until the day I die!" is fully engaged and actively seeking even more good times to gain weight about..
..seeing moonlight on the water and sunrise splashing on the Olympics both at the same time right outside my living room..
..hearing raves about the "Tommy's chili" I still continue to make for The Hot Dog King, even though he is seriously in arrears..
..knowing that the kids and the family are happy, healthy and well taken care for Christmas (in a big way) even though I am outrageously broke and close to being busted..
..finding job opportunities out there that lead me to believe that there could still possibly be one more Christmas miracle waiting for me..
..running into old friends out in town who are still happy to see me, regardless of everything..
..knowing that I gave my all to love and that while love let me down for the moment I will never give up on love..
..knowing that the ton of movies, the raft of wine and the full larder I have laid up over the last few months gives me peace when I find that the world is too filled with angry souls, boring people and far too much angst than is necessary..
..knowing that there are little gals working major chain coffee houses who are out there spreading misinformation to travelers about fifty cent refills on coffee and then finding out that that only applies to in-house purchases and then only within a halfhour of purchase and then finding out that there are all other gals who will override that rule ("..just this time") and who willingly show smiles when you commend them on their bravery for overriding rules for the sake of good customer service (and leave them a tip, besides)..
..the overwhelming assortment of used Christmas loot to be found at second hands these days (oh, and you should see the six foot, Fifties plywood Santa I found at St Vinnies the other day..what a kitchy score that was!)..

..but mostly it's the joy in living I am feeling right now that is filling my heart and life with so much meaning. Sure, I could be worried, actually, I should be worried, but I am filled with hope and baby, hope dies last. Things will work out because, well, just because they will, and that's one big thing to top off all the little things that are bringing peace, joy and happiness into my life these days..

And what about you? What are you finding to be happy about these days?

Salud!

Long time gone, Accumulate Man!

Happy Holidays, everyone! Eat enough turkey? Set up your Christmas tree yet? Been smooched under the mistletoe? Accumulate man is on it, even though that mistletoe action might have to wait. And some might say "well and good" to that last part. Maybe a break from that kind of drama, for the moment, anyway, is, as Martha might say, a good thing.

Otherwise it's been over five months since I've graced the halls of a certain organization and only in some ways do I miss it. I miss the paycheck, sure, but I miss my old patrons even more. But what's funny is that most folks, when I see them around town, wonder where I've been and tell me that they miss me, too. I've gotten cards and emails from people in ways that say to me that I touched on folks lives and that no matter what or where I go I will not be forgotten. Good feeling, that.

I miss, too, the supposedly easy comraderie of the desk, the supposed connections I had with work "friends", but the farther away I get from that old life the more I realize that most of those folks who were friendly with me at work were not friends at all. That more than anything was the biggest lesson I have learned yet.

But what is funny, too, is that folks are coming around and seeking me out with social networking tools, finding and "befriending" me in ways that says to me that I am not the pariah that I was made out to be, either in my head or in my heart. It was all "just business", and while that business cost me hard cash it was also the greatest and best wake up call I've ever gotten in my life. Whatever it was that hit me, bus, train, carload of loons, it was the finest lesson a man could ever ask for. I am happier now than I have been in years. My heart is a little more ragged, sure, a bit more jumpy and achey from all the wear and tear of uncertainty that's been thrown at it, but I am, at least for now, okay. I am in daily communication with The Estranged One and all is courdial on that front. As for all the other grand players, friends and bad actors and actresses in my life who have contributed to the greatest drama of my life I have been keeping them or winnowing them out as I see fit. Some have been fitting in cameo appearances, and then, once they have graced the stage, like Snake Lady and Stick of Wood, have exited stage left, never to be seen or heard from again. Strange and wonderful all at the same time. Showed me what they were made of.

SO, all of that leads me up to now. I still won't grace the halls of my former employer and I'm sure that they are happy about that, too. I am still gracely unemployed and playing my part but sending out three applications or more a week. I have sent them out all over the place, and have made a complete reversal on that "I'll never do library work again" theme I was on up until recently. I have applications on deck for the Grand Canyon (a federal job), an assistant director/children's librarian position (Prineville, OR), a circulation lead in Pueblo, Colorado, a volunteer/children's position in Veneta, OR (home of the Oregon Country Fair) and assorted other places. I have been focusing on positions with various state employment departments and agencies thinking that it was close to the kind of work I did before, but those jobs have been hard in coming. So, instead I'll fall back on what I know and apply to the kinda jobs that are near and dear to my heart, the ones that truly say to me "Public Service".

In the meantime I've been working my tuckus off at Helpline. We have been hyper-busy from the holidays. Hunger never sleeps. No matter how much we get in the form of donations it all goes back out the door as fast as it comes in. Some days I've had to wonder who'd been messing with the clock. Even on my busiest days at the branch time never moved so fast as it does when I'm busy filling baskets for the least fortunate of the community.

Okay, so now you're caught up. I'll be heading to Boise, if it doesn't snow, for the holidays. The cat is doing fine. My oldest turned eighteen, the next in line is making his own stop motion piece at Arts West, a toney art school in Boise. The middle ones are doing well with lacrosse and dance, and the youngest is grooving on being the baby of the family. Thanksgiving went well for a change and I am thankful for many things...good friends who stuck by me during my travails, health, a tight roof. some spending cash and a reliable car. I have been happy even without the Plaster Saint in my life. I am happy even with all the uncertainty that being unemployed has brought into my life.

In fact, for over five months now, as crazy as it sounds, I have been the happiest I have ever been. I stood my ground, maintained my integrety, lived and loved outside the box, cared for folks that mattered, and did what I had to do, and so far, so good...I am alive and well and doing the best I can with what I have.

Thanks for checking in. And who knows, maybe I'll even see you under the mistletoe.

Salud!

Mall buzz

I was out and about yesterday and decided to hit the mall. It's something I usually don't do, because, as most of you who drop by here know, I don't like to pay retail if I can avoid it. But yesterday was a typical Sunday of late for me: rootless, without focus and with a bit jingle in my pocket. So I drove to Silverdale and took in their gigantic Goodwill, which was right across the street from the equally large and wildly busy Costco, and so, for the heck of it, I took in Costco, too. But it was the mall that thrilled me yesterday. What is it about brand new sparkly things that gets folks so excited? Is it something the manufacturers build into the packaging that draws us in? Is it some sort of slow release chemical that attracts customers in the way that exotic flowers draw in flies?

There is a sort of energy at the mall on busy Sunday that can't be matched anywhere else, well, maybe outside of a major factory production line or the Seattle Center on New Year's eve or during a key moment at a big sporting event. It was beyond busy, human running about like newly minted molecules, excited children bumping around like pinballs. The light, always kaleidescopic in a place like that, took on a carnival air. And it applied to almost all corners of the place. No shop or kiosk or big box store was immune. I cruised fast, skirting around customers like an old tin-can destroyer on a high seas cruise, getting in my walk for the day, and took in all the sights, big retailers like Penny's and Macy's, just to see the latest cookgear, as well as old favorites like Cost Plus World Bazaar (always liked their rug and wine assortment).

But in order to slip away from all the pre-holiday madness and catch my breath I snuck away to the cookbook aisles of Barnes and Noble. It was great having that store as an access point to the Mall. It was a sort of sylvan glen to rest in before I slipped out into the desert of retail madness, and a nice place to decompress before I headed off to my car. One thing for certain, if I am ever going to have a good thing going with my cookbook collection I must have readily accessible shelving like they do, and an equally large room to store them in. I was wowed, as I should have been, by the size and breadth and freshness of their collection, but being the after-retailer that I am, I couldn't bear to look at the prices after a few moments so I just took note of the most happening and nifty of their stock and left.

I do love going to the mall, no doubt about it. There was a time when I regularly exercised credit cards there, but those days are long gone. I think of those kinds of places as the new town squares. We dress the part and stroll about, like kings and queens and duchess in the gardens of Versailles. We get to show off our feathers, blow cash we don't have, eat cookies and bad Chinese and overly crusty pizza, smile loudly, bang about like loose cannons and yell after our children, but it's all in the name of commerce and patroiotism and retail therapy. I love that last part. That shop till you drop thing. And then, after we rest our feet, knock back a good cup of coffee and a heavily sugared treat, we jump back into shopping combat mode and go at it again, sort of like kids on Halloween night. They never seem to be satisfied until those sacks of theirs are embarassingly full. Watching the crowds yesterday, I saw no reason to believe that unemployment stood at 10 percent. Heck, all I saw was the full recovery of the nation being just around the corner, all stuffed into large department store sacks.

Yeah, I'll be back. See you in the cookbook aisle some Sunday, eh?

Salud!

Lies, statistics and the realities of job searching

If there was ever a time when I needed to practice better money discipline now is the time. For all too many years I have spent money like a drunken sailor (didn't hurt that I had a lot of experience being one for a time..) but now that credit cards and a fat paycheck are clearly out of my life I have no excuse engaging in "retail therapy" on a daily basis just to get myself out of the house. I have all too many other things I could be doing but I have been finding all too much pleasure cruising the aisles of Goodwill and all the other local junk stores in search of treasures that give me momentary pleasure. That is, until the next all too necessary fix...

Work. Hmm. I spend most of mornings "working" online. Actually, my routine is pretty dependable and fairly comfortable. The cat walks on my chest anywhere between three and six in the morning. Depending on my disposition (and the amount of wine I might have consumed the night before...) that will "start" my day. Better if it's closer to six, because then I have an excuse to put on a movie. Better if it's closer to seven or even eight because then I can start my daily in somewhat realistic fashion. Eight is a good time to be up and out of bed. Eight is good time to fire up the news, the stove. Eight is late enough in the morning not to startle the new neighbors next door when I stumble out the back door in my whitey tighties and throw out yesterday's coffee grounds. Eight is a perfect time to stretch, brush teeth, scratch, all that.

A daily routine is important if you want to stay on track, if you want to seriously want to get back on track once that proverbial ship comes steaming in. I wake up to old news in my head, but know that new news is awaiting me down at the computer. What's good is that I get to work online before the bandwidth is sucked up by the local branch library. I believe we share the same cable service. Seems when their doors open my computer slows waay down. Coincidence? Imagination? I don't know for certain but it is somewhat uncanny when it takes me a half hour to move through a couple windows.

No matter. Me and the state of Idaho have become good friends. I use a variety of on-line services for job searching and let me tell you, the hour that they give job searchers down at the local library isn't near close enough to find meaningful employment. Almost every application I have fired off over the last four months has been online. Without a reasonable expectation of two to three hours to search, work through applications and download a resume (let alone build one) if you are just using local library facilities you can expect be looking for work far longer than your unemployment benefits will run.

So my mornings are spent searching, but my afternoons have been largely spent hanging out with my pal The Hot Dog King. I have a small spot of concrete that I warm next to his cart and have gotten to know his clientle over the last few months. It's been a gas meeting attorneys, sheriffs, watching the court action come and go, especially the family and drug court folks who come around on Fridays. The "1:30 Follies" are especially enlightening. It's a "but for the grace of God go I" kind of thing. Helps to keep me in line and thankful. Every day.

So, the newspaper says "10 percent unemployment" My friend says it's closer to 17 percent when you figure in men like me who are out there looking for work outside the realms of their chosen profession, men who are happy to be applying for jobs that pay half of what they were making before just to keep the wolves at bay. The other day I said that I would never consider library work again. I know that I keep plugging away at Idaho, keep looking at working a desk in Boise or Pocatello or wherever as a Workforce Consultant. The longer I keep looking for work the more I realize my skills are needed in that agency to help folks like me find work. Let me tell you, it's a bitch, truly.

That library job I mentioned a moment ago? A branch library manager, Delta, Colorado. I wasn't looking hard for that job, let me tell you, but it was there on the Colorado library job line. Wrote a cover letter this morning. Will run to Gig Harbor Peninsula branch tomorrow to print out an application, send off a package Monday. Why Gig Harbor? Seriously? Can you see me getting within shadow's distance of my local branch?

The realities, though, of my life are that for all the anxieties about work I am pretty happy. Things could be better, sure..my house could have sold, I could be in Boise with my kids right now. Could have made better sense of my life while I was here, made better choices, kept my words to myself, all that, but hey, you guys voted me Best Blog. Had to keep up the faith by writing, sharing, wearing my heart on my sleeve, all that.

Oh, and for those of you who know or have the priviledge of being able to see MJR let her know that I need to talk to her. That we need to sit down and share a cup of coffee. It's been a year since I've seen her face and even then it was only in passing. And, if all goes well with this job search business, know that I'll be gone soon. That should be a plus, as far as information to pass along to her is concerned. Let her know that she needs to call me, okay? Ah, where's a good "broker" when you need one?

Okay, keep your body and soul together, chillin's. And know to keep your words and emotions to yourself, otherwise you, too, will learn to appreciate the joys of filing your weekly claim at midnight on Sundays.

Salud!

Road trips and revelations

For the last four months I have been grounded, in a way. Strickly my fault, you see. There hasn't been anyone forcing me to stay home these past few weeks, rather, it was a sort of self imposed arrest. There is something about travel that liberates the soul, that opens up possibilities, that releases the imagination that I wasn't quite comfortable embracing at the time. I kept putting it off, wondering what the world "out there" held in store for me, yet, at the same time, turned away from it because I was afraid of what I might find.

I finally took my act on the road last week after three false starts. I put off my long overdue trip to Boise for a number of reasons. First it was the mechanics of the car, then it was cash flow and then, finally, weather. But once I road tested my wee little beast up and over and back again from Twisp I felt confindent that the car could handle the miles. Money, well, there never seems to be enough of it even in the best of times so I decided not to let that be an impediment any more. And as for weather, well, I bought chains and that was that.

I figured since I had the time and the skies were clear I would take a lesser traveled path. I took the highway up and over the Cascades by the way of Enumclaw and into Naches via Chinook Pass, driving through windshield high snow drifts on a recently plowed highway. I was happy that my car was not giving me fits, as the phone reception disappeared once I left Mt Rainier National Park. I was happy for the solitude, the sunshine and the massive bag of snacks and tunes I had by my side. I felt self contained, even giddy, knowing that the back of the wagon was filled with loot for my kids and that I would finally be seeing them before the night was out.

What surprised me more was finding that after all the angst I've had about my little house and my community I was glad and happy to be back in Idaho. I fought the notion of moving for so long that when I arrived and got into the groove of living with my children once again that I had to wonder what the heck I was thinking of before. I had to really wonder about about myself and what had held me back for so long...an old stick house, a boxful of memories and a profession that, for better or worse, was just another way to make money.

I found that I was comfortable in Boise, as the place reminded me a lot of where I grew up. As I drove down Eagle highway and on the roads in and out of the subdivions of the Treasure Valley I kept having flashbacks to early days, to old towns like Tustin and Costa Mesa and all the previously unincorporated lands that were once fields and orchards and cattle ranges. As I took the Estranged One around to second hands, as I raced the kids to the movies and school and their friend's homes I kept thinking of the times I had in my youth where my friend's moms and dads would do the same for me and my pals. All around us the bean fields were disappearing and housing tracts were popping up. On the way to and from the beach and school and playdates the orange groves were coming down and malls and eateries were rising. I saw the same thing happening there on the outskirts of Boise and strangely felt at home.

I know that to leave this little house and this sweet community would release me from the self imposed exile I set for myself. I held the line for no one but myself. I came home from a wonderful road trip and lovely Halloween and a ton of good moments to house that was warm, filled with my things and "peopled" by my cat, but not much else. Oh, sure, that and memories, but memories do not warm a bed or make me laugh out loud or keep me busy in a meaningful way.

I came off of that road trip knowing that I work at Helpline because I miss working for people in a meaningful way. I know that I am here in Port Orchard because of an old house and friends and the memory of old loves and those reasons alone. I came off the road to a house that now off the market with the phone ringing off the hook looking for new possibilities to sell it. Now that I am "home" I can see that I took that trip not only to see my children but to help me mark my internal road map. Where I was headed was a mystery before. I know now that my sights are set on Idaho, if only because the dreams I had for this house, for this community, for my profession, are all over and done with.

Later on this week I'll have a new realtor. I keep throwing out applications towards Idaho and sooner or later something will happen there. My children light up my cell phone with calls and messages that I found were, more than anything else, are what really matters.

I discovered, too, after alot of thought, that my chosen profession is really just helping people. I am a glorified customer service rep to the needly and the lost. I am a helper to those with questions and to those with poorly defined answers. I am a man who knows how to find information but more how to set people on a path to a better life. Maybe I can do that for myself for a change.

One thing I found for certain and that is the Treasure Valley area is not too big on hiring librarians. So, from here out, in order to be where my heart needs to be since this place has effectively shut it out, I am going off into the world of customer service and leaving librarianship behind. Twenty five years of doing the same thing is enough for me. Time for something completely different, even if that means reinventing myself in ways that, even two weeks ago, I couldn't begin to imagine.

See there, that's why I didn't take that road trip before. What happened was what I was afraid was going to happen. It was a release of the flood waters behind the dam. Hell, the complete and total destruction of the dam and the life that I had been living. I am ready to be swept away, road or no road, job or no job, map or no map.

I am on my way. On my way to where, I have no idea, but I think that it will be to a place where I can be happy again, even if it's just for a moment, but hopefully, for the rest of my life.

Salud!