Push pin city

Okay, kids, time to get out the old National Geographic United States map and all your colored push pins and mark where Accumulate Man has sent off applications these last few months....

Boise, ID
Fern Ridge, OR
Issaquah, WA
Ridgedge, CO
Santa Clara, CA
Puyallup, WA
Prineville, OR
Pueblo, CO
Twin Falls, ID
Nampa, ID
Pocatello, ID
Lakewood, WA
New York, NY
Spokane, WA
Silverdale, WA
Los Angeles, CA
Port Orchard, WA
Pasco, WA
Caldwell, ID
Eugene, OR
Prossor, ID
Woodland, WA
Moscow, ID
Tacoma, WA
Seattle, WA

Some of those cities have called for multiple applications. Some apps coming up include Stevens County, Washington, Bakersfield, San Diego and a little town outside of Chicago called Glendale Heights. I've even considered Louisana. For the gumbo? No, for work.

It's been one grand geography lesson. Know that I just might end up anywhere which is fine by me. Anywhere has a paycheck. PO? Well, let's just say it's been swell.

Salud!

Sideways moment

Forget the Terminator or Transformer sequels. Sideways was my favorite movie this last summer. I have this bad habit of catching up with movies long after their release date and this was one of them, but gosh, what a film. It has the potential of making me weep every time I see it. Great actors, great script, helluva story. Plus, it's made me a mad man for Pinot Noir. If you haven't seen it, see it, then go take a road trip out to the wine country here in Washington with a good friend. Sip, breathe, enjoy. Just try not to crash the car, ok?

Salud!

A fellow tip-of-the-hat to Sideways:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/popcornprejudiceamovieblog/2010638403_looking_backwards_at_sideways.html

52 things

Happy New Year!

New Year's resolutions? No, instead I make lists. What's written dowm on my old lists doesn't matter a wit and my new list only has power over me while I'm writing it down. The variables of life change so fast, heck, they can change the moment you set down your pen. These lists I post here annually are alot like those little pieces of paper that the Japanese hang on trees on New Year's Day or like the messages to the ancestors that the ancients would toss into the bonfires on the Solstice. For me they've been an annual laundry list of dreams and wishes and desires to send off to the gods, to the ancestors, to the universe. As a "pie in the sky" exercise goes it's not a bad thing. These lists are clarification tools, grand things-to-do lists, action plans, packages of hopes to lay my head down on at night before I go to sleep. So, find below the latest list, circa 2009. Let's see where it goes.

Happy New Year to those of you who follow this heartfelt blog and may all your hopes, wishes, dreams and desires come to pass!

My 2009 list of 52:

1. Strive to be happy regardless of what life brings to my doorstep.
2. In the midst of that happiness, remind myself to appreciate and find joy in what I have.
3. Walk more.
4. Buy less.
5. Concentrate on finding work in the library sector no matter where it lands me.
6. Sell the house, and if it doesn't sell, rent it out.
7. Find my way back to selling online and unload all the old toy soldier stock.
8. Buy a couple turntable needles and play my old records.
9. Get back to three new recipes a week.
10. Renew my WA sellers license.
11. Look into that lithographed box thing so Nathan and I can have something to work on together.
12. Continue to polish up my resume.
13. Get that darn new Kitchen Aid mixer out of the box and make something with it!
14. Make a file of all the movies that I own and then strke that list of films against those that I have watched.
15. Take good car of my children, my car, my friends, my body, my heart and my health.
16. Make good on all those FB connections I've made and renew friendships with those folks who have reached out to me.
17.Get back to writing my book.
18. Say goodbye to the Professora and mean it.
19. Make the drive to Boise at least once a month to see the kids until my ship comes in.
20. Continue to work with the foodbank even after I find paid employment.
21. Finish the painting and tiling projects before spring.
22. Drive to San Francisco to see my oldest. Be prepared for the wrath and renew that relationship if at all possible.
23. Take Spanish lessons and put them to use daily.
24. Ride the new lightrail in Seattle all the way to the airport.
25. Pay off all my old debts to friends and creditors alike.
26. Go to Seattle at least once a month just for the hell of it (and for Dick's burgers, too).
27. Watch more sunrises.
28. Breathe.
29. Put those weights and barbells in the backyard to use.
30. Embrace gardening once again.
31. If I find a job that turns out to be local, figure out how to love this house all over again.
32. Find a companion for my cat.
33. Find one relatively unknown band, director and writer to champion and learn all there is to know about them.
34. Make more Vietnamese, regional Mexican and North African foods.
35. Buy and learn to operate (safely!) a chain saw.
36. Continue to don costumes and play.
37. Find a way to get down Ren Faire in Northern California this coming fall.
38. Go see the swifts in Portland with Punkin.
39. Get down on the floor more often with Thomas.
40. Look into my old LA movie contacts for Will.
41. Find a cat for my Estranged One to replace Louis (can that ever be possible?)
42. Embrace the fine art of letting go.
43. Get a passport and then try it out.
44. Make up my mind on this last name thing and then stick with it.
45. Get a tattoo.
46. Learn to love again.
47. Laugh more often.
48. Make love more often.
49. Fight less.
50. Worry less.
51. Get more sleep.

and

52. Live today like there's no tomorrow.

Love, Accumulate Man

A grand award for a great ex-librarian

Some of us, not all of us, in the library business dream of someday finding our own works on the shelves of our local branch library. I know for I started a book not too long ago. I hoped it would shake up the literary world and send those who sent me packing to the local big box store to pick up a copy of their own. Hasn't happened yet. All the same it's great to read stories about colleagues who share that love of reading and writing and storytelling and, in turn that love into published books. Ms Patron did one better: she turned her imaginative work into a Newberry Award. How wonderful is that?

Nice story. Now it's time to find a copy of the book. See you at Barnes and Noble.

Salud!

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-lopez30-2009dec30,0,5078340.column

NY Times reader's photographs of the decade!

Sometimes the best photographers are the ones who aren't getting paid to pay attention to the world at large. They're just normal folks like you and me out there taking "pichers". Take a look at these snaps. Some ruly wonderful and wooly and tragic stuff captured in those photos. This was our decade. Be sure to post some of your own.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/world/2009-decade.html?hp

Holiday greetings!

Merry Christmas one and all!

May your day be a wonderful one!

Love, Accumulate Man

Brutal, relentless, beautiful

Michael Mann's Public Enemies, right along side Arthur Penn's Bonnie and Clyde and the Coen Brother's Miller's Crossing, is the quintessential gangster flick. It has all the trademark features of a Mann film that you've come to know and love: lush cinematography, incredible set and costume design, fantastic acting, a rousing score, roaring action sequences, all of it. It is one outrageously mesmerizing film, but, as a reviewer put it, one without humor or let up. You start the movie, take a breath and finally breathe out two hours later. How good was it? Okay, I don't usually watch a movie twice in the span of twenty four hours these days, as I have too many movies backed up and only have so much time in the day to watch them. But this one? I didn't have to think twice about what film would be my kick off flick for the evening. And I look forward to seeing it again soon.

Incredible stuff, Public Enemies. Watching Johnny Depp play Dillinger will wipe away all those images you might have of him playing that simpering Jack Sparrow character for Disney and have you believing in him and his acting abilities once again. Check it out and be sure to bring an oxygen mask, you'll need it.

Salud!

Roger Ebert's review:

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090629/REVIEWS/906299997

DVD Verdict review:

http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/publicenemies.php

Old to me, new to you

Digital thinking. Hmm. I don't know if jacking plugs into card reader boards counts but I've been into computerized employment since the mid-seventies. Let's blame it on that darn typing class I took in high school. If I hadn't struggled through that elective I might of ended up sorting mail on an aircraft carrier somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean. I have to wonder where I'd be right now if I had gone that route.

No, computer work then was nothing like the "geek squad" kinds of things they want kids to get into now. My kid has already been taking game building classes in high school, but hey, codes a drag and I have to wonder if, in the end, that'll be his passion. I don't think that all of us out here utilizing computers in our daily work lives need to cosy up to hardware repair or software building but I do think we need to demystify the beast and make everyone comfortable working with computers, or, at the very least, have the courage to challenge them when they get ornery. But I have to admit when I worked at the desk I would see very few internet issues with the young breeds. It seems to be almost instinctual these days. Now if we can only transfer that comfort level into paid employment.

So here's to the new science and computer learning initiatives. I'm always happy when someone gets excited about something new, even if that something is pretty old hat to me. I suppose I felt the same way about the movie Jaws when I first watched it, almost twenty years after it's release. What's new to me can be very,very old to you. Good to go on that.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/21/technology/21nerds.html?_r=1

Governor Moonbeam's rock

I always's thought that Pat's boy was the man to beat. California's Attorney General Jerry Brown has always been a stand up guy. As governor was beyond bright, spiritual, economically frugal, dated a beautiful singer, liberal, progressive and just an all around nice guy, a man who was not just part of the machine but occupied the soul of it, too. So after I read the story posted below I was a bit sad. It wasn't because of the sculptors' timerity. Sure, he dodged a bullet, or played it save, whatever, by carving the visage of John Wayne instead of Jerry Brown. And sure, when folks go to Christian University library where the rock is stored they go to see the face of a great movie star, not the image of a long time politico.

But still.

Maybe that was the moment where things turned. Maybe when that rock was denied a great face Governor Moonbeam's shot at being president all went away. We all say silly things out loud, but I suppose when you are living in the public eye those things take on a life of their own. Pity. Life would have been a heck of lot better with Jerry Brown in the White House.

So, let's go out and find that man another rock. Better late than never. Yeah, Jerry Brown for governor (here we go again!)

Salud!

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-then20-2009dec20,0,2486738.story?track=rss&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+latimes%2Fmostviewed+%28L.A.+Times+-+Most+Viewed+Stories%29

Buzz words of 2009

News stories generate new words, and I'm a sucker for new words. Sometimes,when I can't find a good book to read, I'll pick up a dictionary and cruise the pages for some new term or phrase to bandy about, to laugh over, to use over and over again until I'm completely and totally bored with it. Today I stumbled on this nifty article and thought that maybe, until the 2010 edition comes out,that this list needs to be printed out and pasted into whatever slang dictionary is handiest. Fun stuff. Yeah. thank goodness for new words. Life would be much too boring without them.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/20/weekinreview/20buzz.html?_r=1&hp

Writing and books at the end of the decade

I cannot see a life spent without books. My house is saturated with them. I have them by my bed, on shelves in every room, in the car (breakdowns!) and sometimes, for the hell of it, small ones tucked away in pockets of coats. There hasn't been a time where books haven't been part of my collecting mania. As a boy it was all about war comics and Mad magazine, Famous Monsters of Movieland and Cracked. The book jones was always salted with the pulp I couldn't buy but could always borrow from the library. That was the place where all the serious stuff was found, where all the classic literature and heavy paper art books and interesting illustrated stuff dwelled. I couldn't have made it without the library in my life.

It's no small wonder that I got into the profession that I did, that all my truly close friends are writers or artists or collectors of books in some capacity or another. I can't go out into the land of commerce without wanting to come back with some kind of printed matter or another, be it a pamphlet or a bookmark or yet another cookbook to add to my collection. And while I don't necessarily find the world of big box bookstores my favorite kind of place to buy books, they're always a port in a storm when I'm out and about and want to escape the madness of the crowds at the mall.

So these days I mostly settle in with light stuff. I haven't read a novel in months, and printed matter mostly comes into my life across the screen or throughy recipes in the kitchen. But when I read the opinion post below I had to wonder about that new Sophie book technology he mentioned. I've always dreamed of a device that would let you not only dive into a great piece of literature but would also allow you to take off down various alleys of thought and ideas as they came up or were inspired by what you were reading. I love the idea of not having to set down a book to check out a fact or see a visual reference or a painting or hear a piece of music, to have the reading experience be more than something that's only taking place in your head.

I love books and reading if only because of the interconnectivity with life I find in them. My favorite novels, my favorite cookbooks, my favorite reference resources have always taken me deeper into the things I love, or want to know more about. Call it literate one stop shopping if you will, but reading about Sophie got me excited about books and reading all over again. This is technology waay past Kindle and that lot. We're on the verge of something truly grand., damn near mystical in it's level of excitement. Just can't wait.

Salud!

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/arts/la-ca-decade-books20-2009dec20,0,6874483.story

One grand vampire flick

"Let the Right One In". Not too hard to find, Hollywood Video foreign film section. A true coming of age bloodsucker of a film that will leave you breathless in the end. Wow. In an age where vampires are cool and chic a la Twilight this one will rock your world in a way that Universal's old b/w film did to 30's audiences, the way that Hammer's Christopher Lee films did to 60's horror fans and the way that Near Dark did to the genre twenty some odd years ago. A new fable for a new age. Timeless horror, grand cinema, great vampires..catch it now, and watch it in the dark.


Salud!


http://www.allmovie.com/work/let-the-right-one-in-430230

Need some serious laughs?

This definitely falls under the joys of "pratfalls" or "slapstick" (not endured, just watched). Think Chaplin or Keaton or any of those great old Keystone cop silents. Impaled ninjas in Seattle,who would have guessed?

Salud!

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/theblotter/2010286564_police_would-be_ninja_impaled.html

Panic Attack!

Just read the story on Yahoo and then watched (to the best of my computer's ability) one sweet little sci-fi piece out of Uraguay. Seems the director made the film for 300 dollars and now is in the midst of bidding war for his services to the tune of, what, 30 million? What a great return on his investment! But still, you can't buy talent in the software department of Costco. This guy has it in spades. Check it out!

Salud!

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/buzzlog-uruguay-to-hollywood.html

A quote of the day that was meant for me to find...

"I think we have all experienced passion that is not in any sense reasonable." Stephen Fry

Christmas in Vietnam and other interesting holiday blog pieces

Just a few interesting holiday posts and blogs I stumbled upon looking up images of Old Saint Nick:

Operation Santa, including a great link to NORAD's Christmas Eve Santa tracking device:

http://www.operationlettertosanta.com/index.htm

The Tropic Lightning newspaper, circa 1969:

http://www.25thida.org/TLN/tln4-51.htm


An overview of the real St Nicholas:

http://www.stnicholassociety.com/Office/


Santa "primitives" from Kentucky and then some:

http://www.kentuckyprimitives.com/


Old St Nick and Old Nick in cahoots:

http://krampus.xanga.com/

The story of Coca-Cola's take on Santa Claus:

http://www.thecoca-colacompany.com/heritage/cokelore_santa.html

Lastly, a strange and wacky little blog, this post featuring an old Mexican lobby card:
http://thoughtviper.com/inexob/arch67.html

Great chart..now what to do with the info but wait!

"I'm not an old man, I'm not an old man..."

Love and life in America..when your 57-85. So far, so good. Come the end of the year I will inch ever closer to being a statistic on this chart. I figure I might as well live well until then and then see where the chips fall. Right now the chips (rather, mashed potatoes and roasted chicken) have me up at three in the morning with a bit of indigestion. I've seen more of that in recent months than I have my entire life. I'll just chalk it up to fiscal worries and financial anxieties. Hmmm. Funny. I didn't see that small malady on the chart, but then again I didn't see stats listed for fifty one year old unemployed men whose partners and children live five hundred miles away. Maybe I need to get out my glasses and look at the fine print about living and loving large.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/12/14/opinion/20091214_opart.html

SantaCon 2009

Somewhere, somehow I've missed out on what seems to be the biggest and most fun Christmas party happening out there. Can you imagine a convention hall full of Santas, Santas of every shape, size and description, all having the time of their lives? But then again I have to wonder how many "ho, ho, ho's" a person can stand!

I stumbled upon the photo spread posted below in this morning's LA Times. Man, I need to sign up for that. It'll give me a legitimate reason to grow a beard (that is, outside of the costume needs of the annual Pirate gig here in PO), to go out and find a Santa Claus suit, and, best of all, I won't have to tear down all my Christmas decorations after the holiday. I could consider it a matter of getting in the right mindset!

I can see it now, this somewhat Scroogy ol' Papa Bear being transformed into a jolly man of mirth and giving and happiness once again. Sounds like too much fun. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus! Hundreds of them! Thousands of them! Yeah, time to gather up the candy canes and fire up the sleigh, a SantaCon is happening in Boise next week!

Salud!

This photospread may have changed my life...

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-santacon13-pictures,0,882145.photogallery

General info..

http://santacon.info/

Strange doings in Vancouver: http://burningvan.org/santacon/index_files/2004Tri.SantaCon.jpg

The scrolling Flickr show on this official site is worth a few moments of your time, believe me...

http://santarchy.com/

Sushi and Tacos and BBQ, oh my!

I hang out with The Hot Dog King for a few minutes most days Monday through Friday. Those few minutes coming and going from the foodbank are a far cry from the hours I was burning up there back in September. Not that that was a bad thing. No, it was alot like Outland's Man's Couch strips san guys sitting around in their underware. Lot's of hairy chested bantering, all too much commentary. The best part about hanging out with him though was talking food, well, food talk in-between customers and all the mandatory NY style banter that goes on.

We've talked of all the foods that we've known and dreamed up menus and then every once in a while turn that pie in the sky into a slice of reality. If it wasn't for all that chit chat about Tommy's burgers and Coney Island dogs we would have never gotten Chili Dog Tuesdays (and Thursdays!) off the ground. We did a beta test on tamales a few weeks back and have been looking for proper restaurant gear to keep bao and fried rice at a proper temp. Asian food Mondays might not be too far off.

So we dream and launch when we can, but after reading through the list of foodstuffs that are available down sout on LA on foodtrucks, well, I know that we have only one way to go and that's to the used food truck lot. If a four wheeled kitchen is what it takes to truly expand our menu, well then, it's time to get a business license, a food handler's permit and a bigger dose of dreams. Well, the dreams come easy, I can see it'll be a bit of a hassle for two big egos to come up with one name to grace the side of that big ol' chrome shingled beast!

Dos Pendejos? Bi-Coastal Fusion? Pancho Schwartz Rides Again? The business name opportunities are endless! Take a look at the article posted below and see why I have a secret agenda for wanting job offers to come from down south!

Salud!
http://theguide.latimes.com/Elina-Shatkin/lists/178178/nouveau-food-trucks

Dog of choice

Ah, Jane and her well matched pups! I think I'd like to get a couple of those myself!

Quite a number of years ago, when I was still with my third wife, we were gifted with two brand new chihuahua puppies. We named the brothers Vago (Wanderer) and Meil (Honey). Their names fit all too well with their personalities. Vago was the tunnel digger, as an afterthought I should have called him Bronson. He helped to keep my fence reinforcement skills up. And Meil, well, he was the lapsitter, the prototypical shakey small dog with the big eyes and the sad/happy disposition. Apart they were great, but when those two dogs got together, man, it was fireworks. You would have thought those two were pitbulls the way they behaved instead of Taco Bell spokesmen stand-ins. The would size each other up, growl famously and then have at it, fur and blanket parts and squeeze toys flying everywhere. Then, after their bloodlust had cooled a bit, they would sit around and lick each other's wounds, pride themselves on their oversized cajones, and then curl up to nap, pals and brothers once again.

Sadly, I had to give up those two when landed here in the Puget Sound. Couldn't find a house for them and so I put an ad in the paper, free to a good home. Tons of response. Finally found them a home outside of Snohomish. Old couple who had lost their chihui lately. Later found out that that sweet old couple ran a Chihuahua stud farm. I'm sure it never bothered those two oversexed dogs a bit.

So, I can easily say that I had a pleasant experience with those pint sized pooches to have wanted one in my life once again. My Chihuahua jones spiked about seven, eight years ago, but unfortunately that was at the height of their new found popularity. My neighbors had a connection to a breeder and picked one up for themselves. When my Estranged One asked if she could get the number of the seller she was told that "we had the babies, they got the dogs", something like that. Very snarky. No more Christmas cards for them.

No matter, I waited as I always do for these kinds of things to pass and now, it seems, that with a bit of driving and a small outlay of cash that this dog can have his day and a chihuahau, too. Hadn't planned on getting a dog but once my ship comes in and my new location is secured, know that Guapo is going to have to get used to having a canine brother around the house.

Operation Chihuahua, indeed. My grandmother and my great aunt both had chihuahuas. I've had a couple myself. Hell, that made me and my family cool long before Legally Blonde ever came on the scene. And my two tough barking perros would have laughed at that sissified character "Bruiser" in the film. Hmmm, yeah, they would have barked him right out of the doghouse.

Wee perros practically for the taking. Gosh, yet another reason for a nice long roadtrip to Cali.

Salud!

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-chihuahuas10-2009dec10,0,4465673.story

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-chihuahuas10-2009dec10,0,4465673.story

Oh, go ahead, Drag Me To Hell

Sometimes it takes me awhile to catch up on new releases. I've been a Sam Raimi fan for years, and have tried my best to keep up with his oeuvre. But tonight, after too many years of wondering if all he had left in him were those great Spiderman films, I watched a movie that took me back to those early Sam Raimi Evil Dead roots, to a place filled with fantastic and outrageous terror, a kind of good and crazy scary that he christened "shock-a-blast". Drag Me To Hell was both hilarious and terrifying, the sort of scary movie you'll delight in if you like your frights spinetingling and goosebumpy without too much gore. If The Others and Orphanage and Paranormal Activity are your kind of scary then this flick will deliver the goods. Great production values, great cast, great script and plenty enough shocks to make you and your jaded horror fan pals holler out loud. Great sitting-in-the-dark-on-the-couch popcorn flick...catch it if you dare and be prepared to scream..and to laugh a bit, too!

Salud!

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/drag_me_to_hell/

That's entertainment...

First we get the multiplex thrill of a multimillion dollar making horror film made on the cheap in someone's suburban San Diego home (Paranormal Activity) and soon we might be able to check out the big screen antics of Youtubes "Fred". Take a moment and tune into that guy's crazy site. As the article points out, it's an aquired taste, funny in small doses. Just like with"Jackass" films, shows we really haven't moved too far from the days of bread and circuses. Mishaps, craziness, Christians being eaten by lions. One good banana peel is all it takes and we're good to go for the day..

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/08/movies/08fred.html?hpw

Yet another reason to move to LA..

In-N-Out burger..yes, yes, yes, THE reason anymore these days why I make that long and wonderful drive down south. Sure, the weather in the springtime can be sublime, and who can knock those beautiful sunsets when the smog is just so? I love to go to Disneyland, see my old toy soldier seller, hit up Western Bagels and drop into Santa Monica for a quick spin at the Los Angelese Museum of Art and a quick walk on the pier. But when it comes to food, burgers and LA reign. Yeah, great Mexican, wonderful Thai, fantastic Vietnamese down in Little Saigon, all those great taco trucks, a man could go on and on. Now into the mix this little upstart. Doncha know that I gotta try it out? Road trip, anyone?

Salud!

http://www.latimes.com/features/food/la-fo-review9-2009dec09,0,4545014.story

What Calvin would truly wish for for Christmas if he had the internet at his disposal..

There was a photo in the Seattle Times this morning that showed a happy family playing in snow in their front yard. Problem for the rest of us is that we haven't had snow come through yet. How to solve this sticky situation when the temps are below freezing? Make your own snow machine at home, or, if you are well-heeled and can see uses for a high pressure washer around the house the rest of the year invest in a well machined and dandy looking snow set up. I think that Bill Waterson's cartoon boy would have completely grooved on this set up and would have driven his folks mad for oned. Why beseech God for snow when you can now blow your own?

Salud!

http://www.snowathome.com/our_products/SG7_Snowmaking_Package.php

Story of my life..

I know all about the electronic dragnet, about being caught up in hard to dismiss world of cellphone bills, internet histories and errant blogs. I should of warned Tiger, knowing how easily one can fall when your head is blissfully in the clouds and your fingers are happily typing away.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/09/us/09text.html?hpw

Recipes for holiday treats

An annual list for sweets that needs to be heeded. I would post this list on the recently defunct Cooks Talk! blog. Make one or more and enjoy the sweet giddiness of the season!

Salud!

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/foodwine/2010243143_holidaycookie11.html

Joys of the day

It was a good day.

There wasn't much there in terms of what counts as "big thrills" in today's action packed, consumer world. As a matter of fact it was a pretty simple day, and, if held against other days of my life, might be considered small, or even bittersweet.

But today we had sunshine, even if that sunshine was laced with an occassionally wicked bit of windchill factor. Today I got off not one, not two but three old fashioned, snail mail type application packets to places all over the West. One was across the pond for the librarian pool of the King County Library system, another went off to Pueblo, Colorado (they're looking for a Circulation Supevisor with an MLS attached to their experience). The last went out to Prineville, Oregon, to the Crook County Library. They want someone to fill a duel role, to be a children's librarian as well as an assistant director. A big wow there. I think I may be overshooting but maybe, well, just maybe, I'll get a nibble, a nod before they shred it. Remember, hope dies last.

So, I topped that off with a visit to the Hot Dog King (too cold to chat outside while he peddled dogs to those brave customers heading up the street to the Tree Lighting Ceremony), then a run to Hollywood (rented Jim Jarmusch's Limits of Control and Lu Chuan's epic Mountain Patrol). Took in some chili and baked potatoes at Wendy's, ran into Jane and wished her happy birthday a week early, then headed back to downtown PO and wandered about. Light crowds this year, no snow, no laser shows or fireworks to keep folk hanging around.

The Hot Dog King and I hit up Gino's afterwards for appetizers and drinks, I stayed on for late night happy hour, but only for their wicked Blackened Chicken Caesar salad. I walked uptown to the Historic Orchard to grovel before my old supervisor and he put me on the schedule once again. Having that strange hobby/volunteer gig there pays off as I was able to get in sans admission price and watch Black Dynamite (groove on it if you dare!). Not much more to do after that as it was cold and late, so I went home, put on Bill Paxton's The Traveler and crashed with the cat.

So, you might wonder, where was the joy and mystery and wackiness of the holidays in all that? Sure, everywhere you go you hear the music, see the sparkley things, feel the consumer buzz. But I found more joy in going places and seeing folks I know or who once knew me and chatting. I found more holiday spirit in those two guys at the movie house who didn't care about why I hadn't come around but that I finally showed up. I was filled with happiness breaking bread (literally) with my best man pal, as for years I didn't have one and who taught me what it takes to have a good friend (you have to be willing to 1)make time and 2)listen).

But what cost me some bittersweet tears was that silent wave I got back in regards to that accidental run-in I had with Jane. It was an across the street, car running kind of birthday wish, a drive away moment. I wonder if that's all we'll have between us for the rest of our lives. Chance encounters and long stretches of nothing in-between.

Yesterday was a good day, one that, even though not totally filled with contemporary Christmas buzz, was tinged with a delightful dollop of holiday spirit, and with just enough mystery and hope that I feel that maybe, just maybe, we might squeeze another Christmas miracle out of all this yet.

Salud!

It's the little things...

It's the little things, like..

..knowing that my Christmas tree is up and that I have a month or more to thrill to it..

..having a full fridge and being able to groove on fried eggs on top of day-old enchiladas after a pot of presspot coffee..
..finding all the old Christmas things up in the crawlspace and knowing that their emotional content, once as fatal as Kryptonite, has mellowed and are worthy of digging through once again with the family by my side..
..watching The Fantastic Mr Fox with my boy, who is no longer really even a boy, and enjoying it thoroughly (even though I put up a really great argument for Ninja Assassins and could have easily just watched that by myself, instead, since they both started at the same time)..
..knowing that the huge upholstered chair I found second hand in Boise works in this little house of mine, and that my good friend The Hot Dog King has the same one at home and probably paid ten times what I paid for it back in the day when he was well heeled in California and that my cat loves it to death (I am sure that it came from a cat friendly home considered the "abrassions" on the legs..is it time for an extra cat?)..
..waking up warm and toasty under the covers inside knowing that frost has been laid down thick outside overnight..
..discovering the joys of "Two Buck Chuck", Trader Joe's famous (maybe infamous) three dollar wine from the Charles Shaw Winery of California..
..finding Indonesian masks and Russian fairy tale prints (sadly, the latter torn from some quality book or another) at the Helpline thriftstore, all to be wrapped and placed under the tree for me..
..thrilling to the idea of and gearing up for a holiday party here at home and planning one, maybe, two, more drives to Boise before Christmas..
..having good friends who, even after everything I've been through and knowing the full story behind my travails, have stuck with me thick and thin..
..witnessing the selflessness of the community behind all the hard work at the food bank and knowing that, without their support and generosity, that the hungry in the South Kitsap area would be hungrier and colder than they already are..
..hearing the overly laid down yet infectiously joyful Christmas tunes everywhere I go these days..
..knowing that the weight gain that I have seen come back into my life these last few months would really irk my doctor, thrills the secondhand stores (more pants to buy! Probably the same ones I unloaded at the beginning of summer!) and affirms that while I have not gained that weight through sloth or not caring about myself that my mantra "I will live until the day I die!" is fully engaged and actively seeking even more good times to gain weight about..
..seeing moonlight on the water and sunrise splashing on the Olympics both at the same time right outside my living room..
..hearing raves about the "Tommy's chili" I still continue to make for The Hot Dog King, even though he is seriously in arrears..
..knowing that the kids and the family are happy, healthy and well taken care for Christmas (in a big way) even though I am outrageously broke and close to being busted..
..finding job opportunities out there that lead me to believe that there could still possibly be one more Christmas miracle waiting for me..
..running into old friends out in town who are still happy to see me, regardless of everything..
..knowing that I gave my all to love and that while love let me down for the moment I will never give up on love..
..knowing that the ton of movies, the raft of wine and the full larder I have laid up over the last few months gives me peace when I find that the world is too filled with angry souls, boring people and far too much angst than is necessary..
..knowing that there are little gals working major chain coffee houses who are out there spreading misinformation to travelers about fifty cent refills on coffee and then finding out that that only applies to in-house purchases and then only within a halfhour of purchase and then finding out that there are all other gals who will override that rule ("..just this time") and who willingly show smiles when you commend them on their bravery for overriding rules for the sake of good customer service (and leave them a tip, besides)..
..the overwhelming assortment of used Christmas loot to be found at second hands these days (oh, and you should see the six foot, Fifties plywood Santa I found at St Vinnies the other day..what a kitchy score that was!)..

..but mostly it's the joy in living I am feeling right now that is filling my heart and life with so much meaning. Sure, I could be worried, actually, I should be worried, but I am filled with hope and baby, hope dies last. Things will work out because, well, just because they will, and that's one big thing to top off all the little things that are bringing peace, joy and happiness into my life these days..

And what about you? What are you finding to be happy about these days?

Salud!

Long time gone, Accumulate Man!

Happy Holidays, everyone! Eat enough turkey? Set up your Christmas tree yet? Been smooched under the mistletoe? Accumulate man is on it, even though that mistletoe action might have to wait. And some might say "well and good" to that last part. Maybe a break from that kind of drama, for the moment, anyway, is, as Martha might say, a good thing.

Otherwise it's been over five months since I've graced the halls of a certain organization and only in some ways do I miss it. I miss the paycheck, sure, but I miss my old patrons even more. But what's funny is that most folks, when I see them around town, wonder where I've been and tell me that they miss me, too. I've gotten cards and emails from people in ways that say to me that I touched on folks lives and that no matter what or where I go I will not be forgotten. Good feeling, that.

I miss, too, the supposedly easy comraderie of the desk, the supposed connections I had with work "friends", but the farther away I get from that old life the more I realize that most of those folks who were friendly with me at work were not friends at all. That more than anything was the biggest lesson I have learned yet.

But what is funny, too, is that folks are coming around and seeking me out with social networking tools, finding and "befriending" me in ways that says to me that I am not the pariah that I was made out to be, either in my head or in my heart. It was all "just business", and while that business cost me hard cash it was also the greatest and best wake up call I've ever gotten in my life. Whatever it was that hit me, bus, train, carload of loons, it was the finest lesson a man could ever ask for. I am happier now than I have been in years. My heart is a little more ragged, sure, a bit more jumpy and achey from all the wear and tear of uncertainty that's been thrown at it, but I am, at least for now, okay. I am in daily communication with The Estranged One and all is courdial on that front. As for all the other grand players, friends and bad actors and actresses in my life who have contributed to the greatest drama of my life I have been keeping them or winnowing them out as I see fit. Some have been fitting in cameo appearances, and then, once they have graced the stage, like Snake Lady and Stick of Wood, have exited stage left, never to be seen or heard from again. Strange and wonderful all at the same time. Showed me what they were made of.

SO, all of that leads me up to now. I still won't grace the halls of my former employer and I'm sure that they are happy about that, too. I am still gracely unemployed and playing my part but sending out three applications or more a week. I have sent them out all over the place, and have made a complete reversal on that "I'll never do library work again" theme I was on up until recently. I have applications on deck for the Grand Canyon (a federal job), an assistant director/children's librarian position (Prineville, OR), a circulation lead in Pueblo, Colorado, a volunteer/children's position in Veneta, OR (home of the Oregon Country Fair) and assorted other places. I have been focusing on positions with various state employment departments and agencies thinking that it was close to the kind of work I did before, but those jobs have been hard in coming. So, instead I'll fall back on what I know and apply to the kinda jobs that are near and dear to my heart, the ones that truly say to me "Public Service".

In the meantime I've been working my tuckus off at Helpline. We have been hyper-busy from the holidays. Hunger never sleeps. No matter how much we get in the form of donations it all goes back out the door as fast as it comes in. Some days I've had to wonder who'd been messing with the clock. Even on my busiest days at the branch time never moved so fast as it does when I'm busy filling baskets for the least fortunate of the community.

Okay, so now you're caught up. I'll be heading to Boise, if it doesn't snow, for the holidays. The cat is doing fine. My oldest turned eighteen, the next in line is making his own stop motion piece at Arts West, a toney art school in Boise. The middle ones are doing well with lacrosse and dance, and the youngest is grooving on being the baby of the family. Thanksgiving went well for a change and I am thankful for many things...good friends who stuck by me during my travails, health, a tight roof. some spending cash and a reliable car. I have been happy even without the Plaster Saint in my life. I am happy even with all the uncertainty that being unemployed has brought into my life.

In fact, for over five months now, as crazy as it sounds, I have been the happiest I have ever been. I stood my ground, maintained my integrety, lived and loved outside the box, cared for folks that mattered, and did what I had to do, and so far, so good...I am alive and well and doing the best I can with what I have.

Thanks for checking in. And who knows, maybe I'll even see you under the mistletoe.

Salud!

Mall buzz

I was out and about yesterday and decided to hit the mall. It's something I usually don't do, because, as most of you who drop by here know, I don't like to pay retail if I can avoid it. But yesterday was a typical Sunday of late for me: rootless, without focus and with a bit jingle in my pocket. So I drove to Silverdale and took in their gigantic Goodwill, which was right across the street from the equally large and wildly busy Costco, and so, for the heck of it, I took in Costco, too. But it was the mall that thrilled me yesterday. What is it about brand new sparkly things that gets folks so excited? Is it something the manufacturers build into the packaging that draws us in? Is it some sort of slow release chemical that attracts customers in the way that exotic flowers draw in flies?

There is a sort of energy at the mall on busy Sunday that can't be matched anywhere else, well, maybe outside of a major factory production line or the Seattle Center on New Year's eve or during a key moment at a big sporting event. It was beyond busy, human running about like newly minted molecules, excited children bumping around like pinballs. The light, always kaleidescopic in a place like that, took on a carnival air. And it applied to almost all corners of the place. No shop or kiosk or big box store was immune. I cruised fast, skirting around customers like an old tin-can destroyer on a high seas cruise, getting in my walk for the day, and took in all the sights, big retailers like Penny's and Macy's, just to see the latest cookgear, as well as old favorites like Cost Plus World Bazaar (always liked their rug and wine assortment).

But in order to slip away from all the pre-holiday madness and catch my breath I snuck away to the cookbook aisles of Barnes and Noble. It was great having that store as an access point to the Mall. It was a sort of sylvan glen to rest in before I slipped out into the desert of retail madness, and a nice place to decompress before I headed off to my car. One thing for certain, if I am ever going to have a good thing going with my cookbook collection I must have readily accessible shelving like they do, and an equally large room to store them in. I was wowed, as I should have been, by the size and breadth and freshness of their collection, but being the after-retailer that I am, I couldn't bear to look at the prices after a few moments so I just took note of the most happening and nifty of their stock and left.

I do love going to the mall, no doubt about it. There was a time when I regularly exercised credit cards there, but those days are long gone. I think of those kinds of places as the new town squares. We dress the part and stroll about, like kings and queens and duchess in the gardens of Versailles. We get to show off our feathers, blow cash we don't have, eat cookies and bad Chinese and overly crusty pizza, smile loudly, bang about like loose cannons and yell after our children, but it's all in the name of commerce and patroiotism and retail therapy. I love that last part. That shop till you drop thing. And then, after we rest our feet, knock back a good cup of coffee and a heavily sugared treat, we jump back into shopping combat mode and go at it again, sort of like kids on Halloween night. They never seem to be satisfied until those sacks of theirs are embarassingly full. Watching the crowds yesterday, I saw no reason to believe that unemployment stood at 10 percent. Heck, all I saw was the full recovery of the nation being just around the corner, all stuffed into large department store sacks.

Yeah, I'll be back. See you in the cookbook aisle some Sunday, eh?

Salud!

Lies, statistics and the realities of job searching

If there was ever a time when I needed to practice better money discipline now is the time. For all too many years I have spent money like a drunken sailor (didn't hurt that I had a lot of experience being one for a time..) but now that credit cards and a fat paycheck are clearly out of my life I have no excuse engaging in "retail therapy" on a daily basis just to get myself out of the house. I have all too many other things I could be doing but I have been finding all too much pleasure cruising the aisles of Goodwill and all the other local junk stores in search of treasures that give me momentary pleasure. That is, until the next all too necessary fix...

Work. Hmm. I spend most of mornings "working" online. Actually, my routine is pretty dependable and fairly comfortable. The cat walks on my chest anywhere between three and six in the morning. Depending on my disposition (and the amount of wine I might have consumed the night before...) that will "start" my day. Better if it's closer to six, because then I have an excuse to put on a movie. Better if it's closer to seven or even eight because then I can start my daily in somewhat realistic fashion. Eight is a good time to be up and out of bed. Eight is good time to fire up the news, the stove. Eight is late enough in the morning not to startle the new neighbors next door when I stumble out the back door in my whitey tighties and throw out yesterday's coffee grounds. Eight is a perfect time to stretch, brush teeth, scratch, all that.

A daily routine is important if you want to stay on track, if you want to seriously want to get back on track once that proverbial ship comes steaming in. I wake up to old news in my head, but know that new news is awaiting me down at the computer. What's good is that I get to work online before the bandwidth is sucked up by the local branch library. I believe we share the same cable service. Seems when their doors open my computer slows waay down. Coincidence? Imagination? I don't know for certain but it is somewhat uncanny when it takes me a half hour to move through a couple windows.

No matter. Me and the state of Idaho have become good friends. I use a variety of on-line services for job searching and let me tell you, the hour that they give job searchers down at the local library isn't near close enough to find meaningful employment. Almost every application I have fired off over the last four months has been online. Without a reasonable expectation of two to three hours to search, work through applications and download a resume (let alone build one) if you are just using local library facilities you can expect be looking for work far longer than your unemployment benefits will run.

So my mornings are spent searching, but my afternoons have been largely spent hanging out with my pal The Hot Dog King. I have a small spot of concrete that I warm next to his cart and have gotten to know his clientle over the last few months. It's been a gas meeting attorneys, sheriffs, watching the court action come and go, especially the family and drug court folks who come around on Fridays. The "1:30 Follies" are especially enlightening. It's a "but for the grace of God go I" kind of thing. Helps to keep me in line and thankful. Every day.

So, the newspaper says "10 percent unemployment" My friend says it's closer to 17 percent when you figure in men like me who are out there looking for work outside the realms of their chosen profession, men who are happy to be applying for jobs that pay half of what they were making before just to keep the wolves at bay. The other day I said that I would never consider library work again. I know that I keep plugging away at Idaho, keep looking at working a desk in Boise or Pocatello or wherever as a Workforce Consultant. The longer I keep looking for work the more I realize my skills are needed in that agency to help folks like me find work. Let me tell you, it's a bitch, truly.

That library job I mentioned a moment ago? A branch library manager, Delta, Colorado. I wasn't looking hard for that job, let me tell you, but it was there on the Colorado library job line. Wrote a cover letter this morning. Will run to Gig Harbor Peninsula branch tomorrow to print out an application, send off a package Monday. Why Gig Harbor? Seriously? Can you see me getting within shadow's distance of my local branch?

The realities, though, of my life are that for all the anxieties about work I am pretty happy. Things could be better, sure..my house could have sold, I could be in Boise with my kids right now. Could have made better sense of my life while I was here, made better choices, kept my words to myself, all that, but hey, you guys voted me Best Blog. Had to keep up the faith by writing, sharing, wearing my heart on my sleeve, all that.

Oh, and for those of you who know or have the priviledge of being able to see MJR let her know that I need to talk to her. That we need to sit down and share a cup of coffee. It's been a year since I've seen her face and even then it was only in passing. And, if all goes well with this job search business, know that I'll be gone soon. That should be a plus, as far as information to pass along to her is concerned. Let her know that she needs to call me, okay? Ah, where's a good "broker" when you need one?

Okay, keep your body and soul together, chillin's. And know to keep your words and emotions to yourself, otherwise you, too, will learn to appreciate the joys of filing your weekly claim at midnight on Sundays.

Salud!

Road trips and revelations

For the last four months I have been grounded, in a way. Strickly my fault, you see. There hasn't been anyone forcing me to stay home these past few weeks, rather, it was a sort of self imposed arrest. There is something about travel that liberates the soul, that opens up possibilities, that releases the imagination that I wasn't quite comfortable embracing at the time. I kept putting it off, wondering what the world "out there" held in store for me, yet, at the same time, turned away from it because I was afraid of what I might find.

I finally took my act on the road last week after three false starts. I put off my long overdue trip to Boise for a number of reasons. First it was the mechanics of the car, then it was cash flow and then, finally, weather. But once I road tested my wee little beast up and over and back again from Twisp I felt confindent that the car could handle the miles. Money, well, there never seems to be enough of it even in the best of times so I decided not to let that be an impediment any more. And as for weather, well, I bought chains and that was that.

I figured since I had the time and the skies were clear I would take a lesser traveled path. I took the highway up and over the Cascades by the way of Enumclaw and into Naches via Chinook Pass, driving through windshield high snow drifts on a recently plowed highway. I was happy that my car was not giving me fits, as the phone reception disappeared once I left Mt Rainier National Park. I was happy for the solitude, the sunshine and the massive bag of snacks and tunes I had by my side. I felt self contained, even giddy, knowing that the back of the wagon was filled with loot for my kids and that I would finally be seeing them before the night was out.

What surprised me more was finding that after all the angst I've had about my little house and my community I was glad and happy to be back in Idaho. I fought the notion of moving for so long that when I arrived and got into the groove of living with my children once again that I had to wonder what the heck I was thinking of before. I had to really wonder about about myself and what had held me back for so long...an old stick house, a boxful of memories and a profession that, for better or worse, was just another way to make money.

I found that I was comfortable in Boise, as the place reminded me a lot of where I grew up. As I drove down Eagle highway and on the roads in and out of the subdivions of the Treasure Valley I kept having flashbacks to early days, to old towns like Tustin and Costa Mesa and all the previously unincorporated lands that were once fields and orchards and cattle ranges. As I took the Estranged One around to second hands, as I raced the kids to the movies and school and their friend's homes I kept thinking of the times I had in my youth where my friend's moms and dads would do the same for me and my pals. All around us the bean fields were disappearing and housing tracts were popping up. On the way to and from the beach and school and playdates the orange groves were coming down and malls and eateries were rising. I saw the same thing happening there on the outskirts of Boise and strangely felt at home.

I know that to leave this little house and this sweet community would release me from the self imposed exile I set for myself. I held the line for no one but myself. I came home from a wonderful road trip and lovely Halloween and a ton of good moments to house that was warm, filled with my things and "peopled" by my cat, but not much else. Oh, sure, that and memories, but memories do not warm a bed or make me laugh out loud or keep me busy in a meaningful way.

I came off of that road trip knowing that I work at Helpline because I miss working for people in a meaningful way. I know that I am here in Port Orchard because of an old house and friends and the memory of old loves and those reasons alone. I came off the road to a house that now off the market with the phone ringing off the hook looking for new possibilities to sell it. Now that I am "home" I can see that I took that trip not only to see my children but to help me mark my internal road map. Where I was headed was a mystery before. I know now that my sights are set on Idaho, if only because the dreams I had for this house, for this community, for my profession, are all over and done with.

Later on this week I'll have a new realtor. I keep throwing out applications towards Idaho and sooner or later something will happen there. My children light up my cell phone with calls and messages that I found were, more than anything else, are what really matters.

I discovered, too, after alot of thought, that my chosen profession is really just helping people. I am a glorified customer service rep to the needly and the lost. I am a helper to those with questions and to those with poorly defined answers. I am a man who knows how to find information but more how to set people on a path to a better life. Maybe I can do that for myself for a change.

One thing I found for certain and that is the Treasure Valley area is not too big on hiring librarians. So, from here out, in order to be where my heart needs to be since this place has effectively shut it out, I am going off into the world of customer service and leaving librarianship behind. Twenty five years of doing the same thing is enough for me. Time for something completely different, even if that means reinventing myself in ways that, even two weeks ago, I couldn't begin to imagine.

See there, that's why I didn't take that road trip before. What happened was what I was afraid was going to happen. It was a release of the flood waters behind the dam. Hell, the complete and total destruction of the dam and the life that I had been living. I am ready to be swept away, road or no road, job or no job, map or no map.

I am on my way. On my way to where, I have no idea, but I think that it will be to a place where I can be happy again, even if it's just for a moment, but hopefully, for the rest of my life.

Salud!

Fire rings

The solstice is coming. I remember all too well the fire rings at the beach in the winter. We would drag in stacks of wood pallets, as many as we could find, never enough considering how well guarded they were down there in SoCal. We would always send somebody ahead earlier in the day, tough duty on a state beach, cooler full of beer, sunset full of toxins and pollutants, always a wonderful sight to see. But we would eventually congregate in mass come dark, boom boxes blaring, food sizzling on hibachis or charcoal grills, beers and other libations escalating the level of conversation and merriment. And while it wasn't necessarily the thing to do each and every time the longest night of the year came about, there would always be someone in the crowd who would want to test out the level of their testosterone and leap over the flames. I never saw burning calzones to mark the occasion but I am sure that there were plenty of singed hairs about to talk about in the morning.


I can't imagine life in that region without fire pits for those last summer nights, for those wildly cold winter holy days, for the evenings in the spring and the fall when the air would be soft and warm and not quite seasonally uncomfortable. I think of all the rites of passage and all the rituals of growing up that would be lost if those rings went away. Sure, there will always be fools who jump over blazing pallet fires. Those same fools will always sing too loud, laugh to heartily, behave too boorishly and find ways to piss off the neighbors, but then again, without them we would have no reason to feel okay about behaving wickedly and foolishly on the Feast of Fools or the Winter Solstice. We would have no right to our rites, to our revels, to our fire gods. We would wonder what the fuss is about and lose connection to the real reasons why we light fires in the night and wish to be one with Thor and Bacchus and the rest of the cooler, wilder and more sympathetically fun gods.

So here's to the solstice, to fire circles and to the great cycles of life!

Salud!


http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-newport-fire-pits28-2009oct28,0,4525544.story

Where trails lead

Right now I'm sitting in a very nice old chair I found at Goodwill the other day. As I was leaving the store a man walked up to me and began to tell me how to fix the material that was unraveling on the back of the chair. At closer inspection we both found out that the fabric was coming apart due to a bad staple job. He recommended hot glue. I found out that the man was an upholstery guy from way back. What are the odds of that? Leave a store with a four buck chair that takes two hands to carry ("good buy, that chair" said the upholstery man, "if you can carry it in one hand it's not worth buying") and come across a guy who can tell me right off the bat not only that my chair is grand but worth recovering as well. Wow. Love where life leads you when you are not asking for directions.

Earlier today I found myself on a "backwoods" trail instead of an interstate highway, or, for that matter, the information superhighway. I had finished up my required "three job searches" for the week and decided, last minute, to put off a planned five hundred mile ride to Boise until next week and take a long walk, instead. I figured that I needed to stick around, act on the latest job information that landed earlier that afternoon in my email box before I took off down the road. Plus I needed to secure a storage unit, spend a bit of time clearing out the little house in the back, to get that place ready for all possibilities, possibly even installing a renter if selling the house isn't this fall's big event. Clearly, life is not providing me with a map for the next part of my life.

As for that backwood trail, well, let's just say thank you, Port Orchard, for annexing The Woods to our community. I don't feel bad these days when I take advantage of the numerous paths and trails that wind through their holdings. As fun as they are to walk I found that they can be a bit of a maze sometimes. I found this out the hard way when I went out for a stroll last week. It was late in the day, the sun was down, there was heavy cloud cover and the trails were poorly marked. By the time I found a parking lot the streetlights were on and I found that I was a quarter mile down the road from my car. It was a good moment to reflect upon the "10 Essentials" I was taught years ago but more a moment to reflect on the realities of poorly marked trails. That simple walk through "the woods" retaught me a valuable lesson and that is that we only think we are in control. The casual stroll that we are taking through life, the one that we think is just a walk through the park can end up being a long journey through an ever darkening and deepening wood, one without markers, one with strange birds calling out in terror, with weird rustlings going on under the brush.

Yet today I emerged from the woods confident. I was happy to find that the street was where I thought it was. I felt the same way when I submitted an application and two more came back asking for my attention. One job in particular is for the State of Idaho, a late shift receptionist at a hospital for the developmentally disabled. What a departure from all things I have known. When I think of that job I picture my old friend Benj at the Fort Lyon's Veteran's Hospital, I see old references to Ken Kesey and One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. I picture the great American Novel being written at the desk during long quiet stretches on the 10 to six in the morning shift. And, the big plus to all that would be that my children would be living right down the road.

I think of where my life has been leading me these last few years and I know that my strange travails of late are what I've been needing. Yeah, it's all been a very generous and timely ass kicking delivered straight from some kind and all seeing and easily amused god. I suppose we all could use a real ass kicking now and then. I passed up a real one, years ago, not too long after I got out of the service. It was late at night, in a tough town, and I found myself in a fairly rough bar with my father. My father was a hard core man's man and he was more than loaded that night, loaded enought to want to take on the NFL linebacker who was the bouncer at the door. I got my pop out of the bar that night with no damage to his body, but, looking back at it, I think that there was a bit of damage done to his soul. I know he had to wonder what kind of son his mothered raised. I remember the long quiet ride back home from The Alamo that night, back to his trailer in Arleta. I can still feel the steering wheel of that big old Caddy of his in my hands I drove on down the freeway away from San Fernando. He told me that night, after I dragged him into his house and tucked him in, that he was disappointed in me, that he expected me to go out of that bar with him back to back, take on the world, or, at the very least, the linebacker.

Over what, I had to wonder. Hell, even he didn't know the next day what the beef was about.

The point to that story? The point is that I let my old man down, that I didn't get into a real old fashioned bar room brawl over nothing. And while I wasn't a candy ass I used diplomacy instead of my fists to get us out of the bar in one piece. But maybe fists would have been better, more John Fordian, more Donvan's Reef like. Looking back I could see that diplomacy, that talk, that walking away was my style. This summer I got was I deserved. I was long overdue for a good ass-kicking and because I didn't get around to it back then I feel that the universe knew that the bill was due. The fact that I got such a big dose of it was a "just because I love you" kind of moment.

Sure, I didn't come out of it bloodied in the physical form that my pop would have liked but I think I finally got that high horse I've been resting on for years kicked out from under me. Yeah, I landed on my ass hard. I may not have the bloody nose that some might of wished for for me but I am still reeling from the psychic beating I took. Let's just say that I won't let it happen to me again. It was about as big of a Zen moment as a man could ever ask or wish for and I'm the wiser for it.

So today I fearlessly wandered the trails of The Woods and took on the travails of unemployment fearlessly as well. I found a bit of sunshine as I wandered among the grey clouds and I was happy for it. Today I took out a pen knife and marked my path with numerous scratchings along the way to let the world know that I was alive. And today I took to the paved road through the Woods, waiting for the man who really had a right to kick my butt three years ago to pass me by. Yeah, today I was looking for that guy. Today I was fearless. What could he possibly do to me that life hasn't done already? Kick my ass? Get in line. I'm already "inbetween positions". I lost my job and the respect of my Estranged One because of words, words to a woman who is long gone, who is and forever shall be the embodiment of undying love.

That in itself is a trail enough to follow. Or blaze. Or blunder through. My choice.

Come along if you wish, but as the old adage goes, lead, follow or get the hell out of the way.

Salud!

KB Toys, Mr Kaufman and my kids

It was sad to see that KB Toys was no longer at the Centralia outlet mall. It was a big fixture in our lives when we were somewhat new parents here in the Puget Sound. It was an out of the way place for a family on a limited budget to take a field trip to, but we would always manage to fit it in at some point on our travels either coming or going to Portland or other sourjourns down south. We would always stop there on our way to the coast and let the kids go crazy for stuff to lose in the sand. It was conveniently places across the street from a Mickie D's, and for the sake of toddlers and diaper changing, right next door to a public restroom. And for a while it was even built into our business budget, as it was always a last minute place to stock up on tanks and airplanes before the big October toy soldier show down in Lake City.

It was bittersweet to read about Mr Kaufman, about his life and his love of toys. For his love of toys alone he would have been most welcome in our home. As it was he played a part in the history of our family and was most certainly a big part of my children's childhood. Thank you Mr Mr Kaufman for KB Toys. We'll miss the break from the road and the bargains and the sense of place we used to share with the employees of the company in the same way we'll always miss our children the way they were when they were little people.

Salud!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/18/nyregion/18kaufman.html?hpw

"If" and the Old Men of Disney

Herb Ryman, first artist on the left. The photo is of the first bunch of WED folks to come out of the studios. What incredible people they were.

Thinking of you, Herb, and seeing all those posts and images out there attached to your name can sometimes make me feel like I have somehow squandered my life, not lived or accomplished quite enough but then again, here I am, still living a good life, doing what I was doing when I first met you and moreso and still honoring you and your life and that of old man Kipling's. So instead of saying that my life has been half lived, let us say "I think not" and lift a glass to your memory and to the rest of a life that has yet to be lived.

But, let's talk about "If".

What a gift you gave me that day.

I know that somewhere along the line I posted this poem before. You must remember the details. I worked for Disney at the time. I was newly married, newly back "in country" and working against some sort of diabolical layoff clock. I was working with you, with men, who, in the animation industry, were giants but I had no idea who you were. That was due to the lack of easy access to video at the time. Years later, when I would watch some old piece of Disney animation or another I would see your name, the names of the men that I had once served and shout out to my kids "I checked out books to that man!"

So, there I was, in the stacks, a somewhat callow youth, fresh out of the fleet, working a desk at the WED research library, the one and only "special library" of my library career. It was a happening time for the company and I was happy for the work. I came to Disney from a temp job with an electrical parts firm, but that didn't matter much as my first wife was very jealous of my appointment with Disney. She thought that her part time visual merchandising job for the Yokosuka Exchange would carry the day and that she would be taken into some department or another instead of me. Damn if that data processing of mine in the fleet didn't carry the day, instead.

But the sad thing was that at the time I wasn't given the support that I wanted from my boss as far as a library career was concerned. So, instead of pursuing a job in the research business I decided I wanted to be more like my father, instead. I wanted to be a grip in the movie industry, a desert motorcyclist, a rough and tough man like my old man. I wanted to jump out of perfectly safe airplanes and drink beer like a Titan and be a fire fighter like I wanted to be in the fleet, something like that, all those things instead of a rationally married man. Instead of realizing all those dreams my first wife left me instead and went to live with my father's girlfriend in Glendale. I went on to qualify for LA County's fire department hiring roster but affirmative action laid me low. I ended up moving back with my mom because my stepdad had a last minute midlife crisis that involved a Korean hairdresser. I ended up going back to Santa Ana, back to the old family home to help my mom through her crisis. Not a bad deal in a way, so I say, but my brother might say different as I kicked him out of his room and put him up into the attic. Our relationship was never the same after that, to say the least.

But during that time I met the great Herb Ryman, who not only sent me a very nice Christmas card that first year but also gave me a copy of the following poem. I have no idea what happened to the original copy he gave me but I have kept a copy of that poem in wallet ever since. It was a long time ago, Herb, but let me say to you "thank you" not only for the poem you gave me but for putting up with that callow youth who served you oh so long ago. If only I had known who you and all those grand old men of Disney were at the time....


IF.....

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more -
you'll be a Man, my son!

by Rudyard Kipling

Salud!

Of two hearts

The weather outside today reminds me of why I need to keep my eye on the prize. So much left to do and very little time left to do it with.

After a week of absolutely grand weather I woke up and faced a cool, grey morning outside my window. Not too bad of a start, I suppose, and yes, it could go away, but as Hot Dog King likes to say it's the cool weather that drives his sales so maybe for his sake I'll wish for this cool grey day to stick around through, say, two o'clock. My feeling about is that it can go away and come back later on in the month. That's when big things are happening in my life.

The end of October has been my focus for, well, seems like forever. All my work and energies have been sited on the 31st, and is where all my fretting, planning, prayers, frustrations, fall back plans are all headed. Right now I am still focused on selling my house, but that's strickly an afterthought of summer. I worked like an animal earlier in process to get it ready and I haven't had anyone come through in weeks. But maybe because I have shifted my energies a bit. I am back in the house again, living in it as if I still live here. The tacit agreement between me and the realtor was that the house was supposed to be vacant. After awhile that ruse didn't wash. I needed a place to sleep that wasn't filled up with boxes and spiders and where better to do that than in my own bed?

Where I lay my head down to sleep is what the end of the month is all about. I am on the road and am fast approaching an offramp of sorts. As much as I would like to get off and take in a rest stop before I get there I may not have that option anymore as things are happening now and I think by the end of the month my time in the Pacific Northwest, my fate, may be sealed. Nice to know that something will be clear. I could use a bit of clarity right about now.

What's happening are two interviews in Idaho, and possibly another one here in Port Orchard. What's interesting about them is that none of them are librarian positions. The two out of state jobs have customer service components built into them but that's about as close as they come to my chosen profession. The one here in town has a customer service angle, too, but again, is way out there from what I've been doing for the last twenty five years. The only thing that all of them have in common is the rate of pay, which is about 14 dollars an hour.

Wow.

But it's what they represent that thrills me more than anything. "And what is that, Mr Accumulate Man?" you might ask. Well, what these interviews are saying to me is that my skill set, which I was worrying an awful lot about, is a bit broader than I thought or even hoped for. I have been meaning to do up a new resume based on skills and achievements rather than a chronological list of all my librarian assignments and duties. I'm even taking a class later on the month to help me focus on what my skills and strengths are. When you've been doing the same thing for so long it's easy to overlook what it is that you are actually doing. In my head I may think "I'm just a librarian", but really, that title is like a stew. A great stew isn't composed of one thing but is a nice mix of a wide variety of ingredients, all put to the test, as it were, under high heat. How it turns out is up to the cook and the larder and life. I think if I were to rate myself as a stew I would say that I am a pretty tasty dish.

I think somewhere along the line that I forgot that. That my somewhat tasty work life hasn't been as mononfocused as I sometimes like to think it was.

So, what are those upcoming interviews for? What am I getting all excited about? Well, one of the jobs is based in Twin Falls. Workforce Consultant. I would be working for the Department of Labor, helping wonderful folks like me find work. Nice. I can relate to that. The other state job would be, for the moment, a trainee position. If I am chosen I would be working in Boise for the Department of Transportation as a Port of Entry Inspector. Picture this man finally working in a hairy chested male environment again. I would handling surly truck drivers instead of impatient moms at the desk, asking for bills of lading instead of library cards, checking out loads under tarps instead of doing fingerplays and baking cakes for book club gals. What a world of difference, what a change. As for that position here in town, well, that job would be a bit ironic, considering how hard I've been trying to leave: Moving Coordinator. Picture the man behind the desk who has been trying to sell his house helping other people move out of state. Touching and just a bit tragic.

But see, there's the rub. I like where I live and if I could have my way I would never leave. I have friends here, have some interesting things happening here as well. I'm a once a week Chili Czar for the Hot Dog King, I have my projectionist gig going on, I will be working with Helpline once a week starting next week and have a bagging thing lined up with Rosa Coffee on Bay Street later on in the month. I still throw small dinner parties, folks have me over for supper. I know the merchants and they know me. And frankly, I do like the weather, grey days or not. I know, all small stuff, but still, it's where I live.

I love my house, my view, my community, it's history. I may not have a lot of cash coming in but there are bigger things afoot. My little house has a renter possibly lined up for later in the fall and if that doesn't work out the gal across the street who runs the B and B may have an idea or two for helping me make a bit of side cash. The only thing that keeps me focused on that out of state line is Punkin and the boys. They are the reasons why I am still dogged about this move. Nothing else could get me to go. And if I don't go now, well, then, come the spring I'll start the process all over again.

But for the moment my work, my career, cashflow, all hang in the lurch. I have two, possibly three or even four opportunities coming up, all heading in different directions. I may be clearing out my house later on this month, or not. All depends how my resume and phone voice or my visage impresses the audience.

As always, I'll be sure to let you know.

Highways cross and split and sometimes carry you to places you never knew existed before. Will I ever be a librarian again? I have to admit, if I never have to do another summer's worth of summer reading programming I would be a very happy man. "What did he just say?" Heresy, yeah, I know, but there it is.

Salud!

Romance lessons on tape

Can "True Love" be bought or sold or conjuered up? Frankly, between you and me, I don't think so.

I shop around in second hands alot these days. My biggest fascination of the day was to stumble upon a multi-volume, how-to, non-fiction series on how to achieve romance for married types in VHS section of the Silverdale Goodwill. I suppose that long marrieds need a boost ever now and then, that they need to revisit the old primer that got them started to begin with in order to get the old spark plugs firing in unison once again. Or for the first time. Whatever.

But what struck me funny was that it would take a whole set of tapes for a couple folks to learn how to be romantic all over again, or for the first time. I didn't jot down the title of the set, but then again, maybe I should have. Somebody, somewhere, along the line went out and laid out good money to learn how to be a more romantically inclined partner. Maybe I've had it all wrong all these years and that tape set would have set me straight. Maybe at ten bucks or so it was the most invaluable find in the whole gosh darn store that day.

Oh, yeah, sure.

What I considered a bit more funny than that was the slug of French films I stumbled across in the same stacks that day. Now those films, I have to say, ended up in my basket. I love foreign film. For awhile I had a colleague who was absolutely nuts for foreign films. I made sure to watch at least one or two a week in order to have something to talk about at the desk, for it seemed that most other movies just didn't have the same appeal. Somewhat snobbish about film as far as I'm concerned, but, well, whatever, it takes all kinds. No matter, I know the appeal of a good French or Japanese or Chinese film. I love what the Spanish are doing these days in the cinema world and have never turned up my nose to a Fassbinder or a Wenders film and know that Thai cinema is the one to keep an eye on. I watch all kinds of movies, borrow foreign titles from Hollywood Video and from my local library, occasionally catch the rare foreign film now and then at my local art house, but as far as adding foreign titles to my collection I don't find too many non-Hollywood films out there to buy. Today was an exception. Happy days for me and for my video collection.

Okay, this post is not all about movies. I guess what I'm driving at is that someone, somewhere along the line missed out on a true romantic opportunity in the VHS stacks. I can't figure out why those movies I found today were missed. Was it a technology issue? Was it because too many folks are out are out of tune as far as the humanities are concerned? Maybe too many folks are caught up in business courses in college and not attuned to the arts. Maybe too many folks out there are paying more attention to the needs of their libidos instead of their hearts.

Maybe it's our society, or our contemporary culture. Maybe it's the way we "talk" to each other. I listen to contemporary music and watch the tele while I'm on the road and see that maybe, just maybe we are a bit too hung up on the physical side of life. Maybe we read too deep into the power of the body, of a finely tuned physique. Maybe we are too hung up on hard physical power, on what professional sports supposed bring into our lives. Maybe our lifestyles are lacking in grace and charm and plain old caring about ourselves and that other person who matters in our relationships. Maybe we've just stopped caring about anyone but ourselves.

I think of what Hallmark tries to stuff down our collective throats with their cards and such and know that that's not "romance" no matter what they might say. I think of all the stuff I stumble across in Goodwill around Valentines Day, the teddy bears and plastic hearts and such and know that stuff has nothing to do with romance either. But take a man or a gal too obsessed with chasing the buck or trying to break the glass ceiling or spending too many hours in front of the tv or the internet or spending too much time nose deep in romance novels or magazines looking for romance and not paying attention to real life and I'll show you a seeker or a relationship that is in trouble.

Hence the need for that multi-volume tape set to kick start their romantic life.

I think of whoever it was that donated that video set, if they had come down to the store today and stood next to me and chatted awhile about movies they might not have had to hit up that movie set and might have thought twice about buying someone elses's advice about what love and romance is all about. Maybe they would have ended up picking up a tape or two out of my stack. Maybe they might have been on their way to a far more romantic evening than those talking heads in that multi volumed stack could have ever offered them.

My take on on what it would have taken to have a romantic evening? After a nice vist to Red Apple, after securing a couple bottles of good wine and some cheese and bread and few other items for supper they could have wandered the store..found some new linen, a cookbook or two, maybe picked up some champagne glasses, maybe found a silver or chrome plated wine bucket to go along with, maybe found a few new and interesting plates and bowls and such for dinner. Maybe they could have found a new and interesting piece of lighting, a couple of great pillows, a piece of music or two to go along with dinner and then, after all that, grabbed a handful of French movies. The stack that I have at my feet tonight isn't all about the classics. There are a number of what would be consider "contemporary French romance" films. Knowing that they didn't come out of Hollywood tells me that there's a bit skin in there. Old marrieds, beware!

So, leave those non-fiction romance sets alone and pick up on the vibes that you tend to see and read about in the personal ads, instead. What are most folks looking for other than walks on the beach, dinners out, bike rides in the country and moonlight drives? For someone to pay attention to them, to listen to them, to be kind, to take a bit time out of their busy lives to indulge in something other than their own pleasures for a change. Sometimes it takes a cruise around a second hand to set up the stage for a romantic evening, sometimes it takes a movie with subtitles and a sexy premise, but more times than not all it takes to spark and inspire romance is to be real, be there and be yourself and to pay attention to the needs of your lover.

So, old marrieds, take it from me, leave that non-fiction romance tape set behind on the shelf and find something a bit more..what? thrilling? sentimental? romantic? to snuggle up on the couch with next to your sweetie. You'll find that your fires will be rekindled in ways that you never imagined.

Salud!